Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
