oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
