I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
