Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
