He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
