I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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