i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
