i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
