I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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