I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
