in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
