i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
