I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
