2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
