Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
