When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
