i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have aggressive nipples.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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