she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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