don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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