Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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