I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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