I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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