the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
