my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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