At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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