We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
