I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
