Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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