Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
should my penis look like a turkey
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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