So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
two words...techno handjob
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
