Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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