I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
