omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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