Whod you bang
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
