I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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