I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
