Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
