Whod you bang
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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