nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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