And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
