My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What a dumb baby whore.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
