At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
