last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I want a musical about memes.
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