First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
