I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
