Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't put those talents on a resume
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
