I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
