today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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