i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
