i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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