peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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